Classy Condiments

Use the words: Mayonnaise, Mustard, Soy Sauce, Relish, Pickle, Hot peppers and Ketchup in a story.
His taste in women was complex. If his women were a type of food, I'd say they were pickles. Had I told you that in a conversation, you would reply back "How odd." and I'd say "Not at all you see, pickles are tangy and he likes his women to have a zesty attitude. Now I mean pickles, whole, in a jar with garlic, not pickled relish. It must have garlic because he likes his women to carry a scent of mysterious musk that lingers. Not garlic smelling of course but you understand my analogy." and then you'd say, "Well what about in a sandwich, how could you relate his pickled women then?" trying to stump me of course. I'd easily reply back " It would be on a whole wheat bun, because he wants his women to have healthy buns."
"Who doesn't." You'd mutter.
"I suppose it was a given. He wouldn't have it with mayonnaise, nothing so fatty and boring as that. Mustard I assume would be his choice. Putting mayo on a sandwich would be like putting ketchup on a hotdog for him and he wants a one-of-a-kind woman, not what every other man has. He would top it off with hot peppers."
"That's a bit of an odd sandwich, I don't think I could stand the hot peppers."
"Of course you wouldn't, that is why his taste is complex. What one man shudders at, another man devours."
You would sit there and ponder my comment before concluding, "You haven't mentioned beauty at all."
I would sigh at your foolishness, shaking my head. "It's not about beauty to him, otherwise I might have compared his women to soy sauce."
"Soy Sauce?"
"Yes, dark, tantalising on your tongue and dangerous to your health. Instead I refer to his women as pickles, green and warty because he doesn't care about beauty on the outside."
"Yes well I've bitten into a pickle before and there is nothing beautiful on the inside."
I would push back my chair at that point and stand up to leave, throwing down some paper for the bill.
"Then one day my friend, you may find yourself hungry."