Scenario 1: You see four adorable and cuddly raccoon babes handing out in a tree, apparently motherless. You think - they can't get down and you believe a police-run rescue mission is in order. You call 911 because supposedly this a bloody emergency. Me, the dispatcher, can tell you how this goes: Me: Which service, police, fire, ambulance?
You: Police
Me: What's your emergency?
You: There are four raccoon babies stuck in a tree.
Me: Okay so you want an officer to shoot them down?
You: NO! I want an officer to rescue them.
Me: Okay well if an officer goes, they're going to be shot out of the tree. Trust me though, they'll make it down.
You: Umm never mind... *click*
Scenario 2: You're bit once by the neighbour's frothing mutt Miss Tickles. You freak out, imagining horrendous scenes from Cujo, even though you're safe and sound in your home. You call 911. If I answer, this is how it's going to go:
Me: Which service, police, fire, ambulance?
You: Police.
Me: What's your emergency?
You: My neighbour's dog bit me 10 minutes ago.
Me: Did you bite it back? No? Well the police aren't paid enough to come bite a dog and teach it a lesson for your wussy ass. Have a nice day.
Scenario 3: This is a regular one, and keep in mind I have to take notes when I answer a call. It goes like this:
Me: Which service, police, fire, ambulance?
You: Police.
Me: What's your emergency?
You: There's a coyote walking down the road.
Me: And it's just walking.
You: Yeah.
Me: Is it getting into garbage, or acting aggressive?
You: No.
Me: So it's just walking down the road?
You: Yes.
Me: Okay I'll send an officer out right away.
You: Thank you! *hangs up*
Officer: What was that about?
Me: Nothing, just more paper to shred.
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